The Power of Father Figures: Influence, Presence, and Emotional Healing l S2E068

Linda Orsini: 00:00:00

Welcome to a call for love. When you are feeling stressed or anxious or angry or resentful, or sad or depressed, it's a call for love. It's a call to live in your higher vibration. And my name is Linda Orsini. I'm a spiritual coach and guide, writer and the host of this podcast. I specialize in sound and Reiki energy healing, the emotional freedom technique. And just launching the month of June 2024 Is the circles of love, a group where we come together to support each other in a safe place. And so today is episode 68. And there's also eight bonus episodes of meditations for you to enjoy. But today we're going to talk about fathers are first influencers, you know, those were the figures that really helped shape us. Now, as I begin this, I realized that I had a very, very strong, loving father. I am the youngest of 11 children. And so the father figure who really raised me may not have been the one that raised my elder brothers and sisters. So I am going to speak from my point of view. But I do want to share first a story with you. And those lists of who I am, I did say writer, yes, I am the co author of two books, The Forgotten children, and the other the art of connection. I get my writing, really passion from my father. In fact, my father in 1982, I have this book right in front of me, February 19 1982, bought a book and he gave it to my mum. And if you're watching on YouTube, it's called 101, famous poems. My father wrote, actually, he didn't write, he was a big typer. And he typed an inscription into the front of the book. And I'd like to read it to you here now. To the head of the house, Joe, Josephine, who was my mother. So my good wife can recite one poem at supper daily, all the family will gain some of the wisdom from you with the reading of your poem daily. And then he wrote a poem, one a day, one a day for you to say, speak slowly and clearly, since the family loves you dearly. So give it a try. The family won't cry, you will enjoy they will employ, the words that you give is good for the kids children. So don't hesitate and simply vegetate, and this is enough of all that stuff. I'll take a puff and hope you don't math. And this is the end of this so called poem that he put at the bottom note, creative time, three minutes, and five and a half seconds, and it shows it hobby. That is a poll my father wrote for my mum in this book, just to to a couple of clarifications here, he says kids, but he never liked calling his 11 Children Kids because he thought they were billy goats. So he would always call them children. And also at this stage of his life, when He says I'll take a path, he was actually a big pipe smoker, I remember he would always be smoking his pipe, and tapping it on the street to clean out the ashes and then refilling it. And then just as a side note, one Lent, he decided he would give it up for the duration of Lent, and never took it back up. In any case, he he bought this book, gave it to my mum, and he really, really wanted her to read a poem each night. Don't ask me why he didn't want to read it. But he thought it would be a good idea if my mother read it. Well, my mother wasn't really the sentimental type. So I think she might have, in my recollection, read maybe one or two poems, but she never really kept it up. In any case, in her last days, or maybe a year or two before she passed. I found the book in her bookcase and I said, Mom, I really want this. This is such a beautiful memory that I have. And it just has my dad written all over it. And she says, Sure, Linda, of course you can have it. So I'm beginning this episode with that memory and this sharing, because our fathers are our first influences, of course, are mothers as well. And I had a very strong, yet silent and quiet father. He was very Wise and very witty and very fast. He did not say a lot. But I feel that I had a really beautiful secure attachment with them, which I will talk about further. But for some of us, there could be those father wounds. And so if you had a father, that wasn't very present, and would Terry Cole from the author of the boundary boss shares a father wound, then maybe your memories aren't as positive. And so I would like to begin here talking a little bit about father wounds, and a disclaimer. And I know some of the listeners have had challenging father daughter relationships or father son relationships. If that is the case, then I always suggest you seek professional help. But before you do that, or as you contemplate that, I would like to just take a couple of moments and share with you what a father wound is. And I this is not something I created. This is from Terry Cole. She had a lot about this, as we prepare for Father's Day coming up in June, June 16 2024. as I record this, there are some myths about father wounds and truths. And so these are what she shares. And I found it very fascinating. But before we begin that, you might ask, Well, what is the father boom. And she says, a father wound is a psychological and emotional injury that can stem from growing up with a father or father figure who was absent, abusive, controlling, not emotionally attuned or available to you.

Linda Orsini: 00:06:56

And so that's what a father wound is. Now, the myth is only absent fathers cause issues, but no, the truth is emotionally unavailable, or physically unpleasant father's can also significantly affect the relationship you have with your father. Another myth is father wounds only result from severe abuse or extreme neglect. But in truth, they can also stem from subtle forms of emotional neglect, even criticism, or lack of engagement and support. It doesn't have to be extreme abuse or neglect. You know, it's like trauma, you can have big trauma, or you can have little trauma, unprocessed emotions, that's the same with neglect, it can be really big, or it can be something that you perceive that you were not really cared for. Another one is, if you are successful, you don't have a father wound. But in reality, the truth she says is you can achieve success, but on the inside, might feel less confident or unworthy due to unresolved father wounds. Another myth is you will outgrow a father wound. And here, I definitely agree with her father wounds need active emotional work for healing, they just don't disappear. I really feel that if you have those father wounds, you should seek professional support, professional therapy could not hurt that's for sure. Just find somebody who really resonates with them. And the last myth, you have to confront your father to heal. And actually Dr. Wayne Dyer talks about this, how he went to his father's grave site to relieve himself on it. He was so upset with his father, and didn't actually do that. But went to his car. He has a full story somewhere. I don't remember where I heard it. But he had this transformation. And he went back to his father's grave, had a heart to heart emotional experience in that moment, probably guided by his higher self and the universe. And he was able to forgive his father. And after at that point, his alcohol abuse and the ways he abused his body by overeating and eating the wrong foods. And just the way he was living in general, completely healed when he had experienced forgiveness. And Terry Cole says that, you know, healing can occur without confrontation. This is really, really important. Especially for some of my listeners. If you have a father wound, you can heal it without confronting your father because maybe they're not present. Maybe they're past. Maybe they're not talking to you for whatever reason. Please know that I do believe and know that we cannot I'd change the past. But I do believe we can heal the past. Not always easy, maybe not even in this lifetime, but it is something that is available to you if you have the right support and guidance. So as a spiritual coach myself, I don't deal with trauma. I don't support those people who are going through severe trauma, I'm not qualified enough. But I do support people finding and coming into their higher self through the modalities of mindset, movement and meditation. So with that in mind, I would like to say that for those of us who did have a really positive experience with our fathers, or are presently a father or with a partner who is fathering our children, and it could be a stepfather figure or biological father figure, you want to encapsulate secure attachment, and secure attachment. So here we talked about the Father wound. But now I want to talk about what secure attachments are. And so Father, secure attachments are what we can expect. But a secure attachment with the father really means that the father figure was available. He was responsive, open to communicating reliable, and supported you emotionally with encouragement and affection, he set healthy boundaries and enabled you to feel confident and resilient growing up. Now, those are just some of the things of secure attachment, you know, when a father can, or father figure can really support you be there and build you up in terms of your self esteem and self confidence through loving kindness. And I feel that's what my father did for me. Now, I hate my father passed away, and your father may have passed away too, I'm not sure. But my father passed away in 2024. And as I record this, interestingly enough, it's my brother's birthday. And he passed away in 2008. So I feel like these people who have gone before me are very present here today. And one of the listeners says to me, you know, I love your mom, I said this in the other episodes in Episode 65, and 66, where I talked about mothering, and the mosaic of mothering, and celebrating mother's as we had Mother's Day, but I don't really hear you talk much about your father. And I was saying to her, you know, just wait, you know, Father's Day is coming up. And so I will be sharing about my father, and the day has arrived. So here we go. My father was, as I said, a very faithful, strong and silent man. You know, raising and providing for a large family is no easy feat. And so he was very prevalent in my life, as a silent, strong father figure, always giving love, always giving an affection. In terms of his kindness. It wasn't so much physical giving hugs, although I don't always remember kissing him alone and kissing him goodbye, once I had matured and left the household. But what I want to share with you today is an experience that I had with my father since he's been passed. And you might say, Well, how is that so? And this is why I'm gonna circle it up coming back to that we can connect with those who have gone before us, even when they have left the material world. And so today, I want to share a really powerful conversation. And I know that is going to bring up some maybe emotions or other shared experiences that the listeners you may want to share with me. So please reach out. My email is Linda Orsini at global wellness education.com. All right. In the meantime, I'd like to share that what I did to connect with my father and I'm not suggesting you need to do this or that you have to do this. It's just how the events evolved. And what happened is there was an event with Rebecca from your divine roots, and I went to a rapid ceremony. Rob pay is a snuff that actually is blown up your nose. Yes. it, it sounds exactly that way not pleasant. It was not a pleasant experience. But it was the experience I needed because it was a kind of a medicinal experience, because it's made from medicinal plants, tree barks and strong tobacco, it's actually its purpose is for a spiritual ceremony. And it helps connect you and facilitates communication with the Spiritual World, your ancestors, clearing your mind, body and spirit. And as I've said, in other episodes, I'm really open to new experiences. And it was happening locally. And I'm like, why not? I didn't know what was gonna happen. So I went to the ceremony. And this rap pay was blown up my nose and has to be done by a professional group. Rebecca is a healer and she is a sound practitioner. And shamanic practitioner, which I am also in shamanic practitioner, in any case, is blown up my nose. And there's like 24 hours, I felt the effects for 24 hours. And during the experience in the held container, I did feel connection with my mom who is always present. And she was always present in the material world, too. She was just really a force of nature. And also to my brother whose past and some other ancestors, and people that I have known. And it wasn't really a surprise to me, I felt very comforted and very loved in this experience.

Linda Orsini: 00:16:50

And I believe I went on Saturday, and then Sunday night, rolled around. And I was like, huh, I don't feel anything for my father. And I'm like, well, not overly surprised, because he was the quiet type. And I didn't want to feel like he was being left out, or that I was missing something by not filling his presence. So I said, just into the air and as maybe a prayer to the universe, or especially to him. You know, Dad, I didn't really hear from you. And I'd like to hear from you. Because everyone else is so present. All those before me who have gone are so present in my life, and I want to feel that same connection with you. Can you give me a sign that you are still with me? And they always say, you know, ask specifically. So as my boys were growing up, my father had were in Canada loonies and toonies. So he would be offering my son's loonies and toonies. When they came in the door, just as a gift, he was very, very generous. So he would give them loonies and toonies. Towards the end, it was mostly toonies, which I have saved many of them. And so I said, Okay, I'm wondering if you could show me your presence that you're here with me by giving me a toonie now, it's just Kate, I here I am sharing this in words that are taking minutes, but it came to me very fast. So like it to me. And then I kind of let it sit for a second, I could have been driving actually come to think of it. And I thought, Oh, my goodness, how is he ever gonna give me it to me? I don't find money money anymore. Everyone's using credit cards, or Apple Pay or whatever it is. And I don't even collect money change. In any case, I had said to me, so I was gonna stick with it. Monday rolled around. Tuesday rolled around and I forgot, Wednesday rolled around. Thursday rolled around, and then Friday, and I'm remembering Oh my goodness. I haven't felt found whatever a toonie. And I was almost in tears thinking that my father had abandoned me. And then I thought, you know, my father style was not to. If you asked he wouldn't really give, you know, he was more he always says don't let the right hand know what the left hand did. He all he was such a proponent of giving from the heart without needing acclimates one of his greatest lessons I've learned from him is to do it with kindness without the expectation of being be affirmed. And so I said, and this time, I know I was driving because I was up north at our cottage. And I said, you know, that was really unfair of me dad to ask that of you, because that's not how you worked. That's not how your Spirit worked. And so I said, That's okay. I know that you love me. You don't need to show me that you love me. And then I drove up to our place up north, and my youngest son, Michael, who was there I come. I said hello to him. And I said, Okay, Michael, we're having company this weekend. So I need to clean the floors. He says, Okay, I'm gonna rest inside my room. And I'll just lie in there. You let me know when you're done. So I mopped the floors. Let them dry. So maybe half an hour turn around. And I went to knock on his door. I said, Michael, the floors are clean now. Can I come in? Because he always likes me to knock on his door before it comes in. He said, Sure, come and I walked in. And I could still cry. Because I will post a picture of this. Because on the little nightstand beside him was a two knee. And I just cried. I just broke down and cried, like, I am crying now. And I was like, of course, why would he give me a toonie? He never gave me two knees. He always gave my boys two knees. I said, Michael, how to chew. When I could finally speak, I said, Where did this to? What's this? Toony? Like, why is there too near? He didn't know the story. And he says, you know, Mom, the strangest thing happened. I was in the cafeteria at school. And I looked down and there was a toonie there. And I picked it up. I put it in my pocket. And then I was driving up north here. So I put it in the car and I got out of the car. And I brought it in, I went to lie down on my bed, I took it out of my pocket and put it here on the nightstand. I don't know why because I don't even take change out of the garden, what's wrong, what's wrong with you. And I just stopped, just sobbed. Because, of course, he would give it to my son and not me. But he gave it to me through my son. And then I explained the whole scenario. And not even in this material world did I have such a profound experience as this really spiritual encounter with my father since he's passed. And it just reminds me how we're never alone, and how we're always connected. And so I do believe we can connect, communicate, and heal with those who have gone before us at any time. Now, today, here, I'm talking about fathers and father figures, because my father was a beautiful man. And was he perfect, what is perfect. There's no such thing as perfect, but he was perfect for me. He gave me the lessons that I need to learn that I continue to learn. And he is continues to be present in my life. Now as you're listening, I'm sure there's a flood of memories and stories that are coming into your mind and heart about your father or father figure. Some are good, some might not be good. But I'm asking as the host and the spiritual guide in this context of a call for love. If you can hold space for all that arises, either independently, with a friend with a guide, with a therapist, in order to be present to the experiences that you had with your father. It's a beautiful thing to know that we have the power to embrace all that is and I always say this, the truth holds both ends, the positive and the negative. Can we hold space for both and ability to be present for those who we nurture with the secure attachment of being emotionally available of supporting through loving kindness and being reliable and responsive? And a few action at whatever that looks like, and teaching those who we are nurturing with healthy boundaries. Those are things that we want and expect and hope our fathers and fathers figures can provide us. And before I end this episode, I would like to say that I was married, and my boys have a father who loves them dearly. And then I was divorced, and I met a new man who is now my husband for 15 years. Gord and he is the stepfather to my boys. And I feel my boys have been really blessed with two really strong, loving, kind, devoted fathers. And I think both of them, I thank both of them for being in my circle, supporting and loving my boys. And that's what I want to say that we really need to hold space for all the people just like the mosaic of mothering

Linda Orsini: 00:26:12

those who are raising our children as father figures. I know that when I got divorced, my son, one of my sons, my eldest son, you know, he was at a tender age, I think he was 1213 when I met Gord and he didn't know if he was going to be disloyal to his biological father, by loving God. And I said to him, my brother who's passed away, he was the male. I said, Do you know how you love your uncles, and I use the meal in this context? He says, Yeah, I said, That's how love is. There's enough love for everybody. And just because you love all your uncles and Oakley meal, doesn't mean you love your dad less. It's the same with Gord. You can love Gord and you can love your dad, there's enough love to go around. And he gave him the reasoning. And it made sense to him, that he could love both without feeling that guilt or that I'm ease. And so I say to you, that we can love all the figures in our lives, and in this case, our fathers and our father figures. So please let me know how this resonates. I feel that the month of May with mothers in the month of June with fathers, that it's a really beautiful time to open up, open up to what is and what has been going on in our nurturing and from our influencers. And so always wishing you so much peace, joy, love and good health. From my heart to yours. Namaste