Silence for Personal Growth l S1E023

Linda Orsini: 00:00:08

Hello and welcome to a call for love. I believe the most powerful gift you can offer yourself is to give and receive love more freely. I'm your host Linda Orsini meditation guidance spiritual coach. Everyone has the desire to be seen, heard, respected and loved. The journey to becoming more connected to your greater purpose lies within the ability to live from the deep source of love within you. Let's begin.

Linda Orsini: 00:00:39

Welcome friends, thank you to the new listeners joining a call for love podcast, and for sharing your time and energy here. And for those who are returning. Thank you from the depths of my heart. I thank you for your continued guidance and support on my journey through this podcast world. Today, I'm very excited to share that I'm just outside of Vancouver in British Columbia, Canada. I'm visiting one of my brothers Arthur in his beautiful place, which is so rich in color and texture. He is an artist and an inspiration. And I am joined here also with one of my sisters, Elaine, we have come to Vancouver, British Columbia, not only to visit our brother, but actually to go on a five day silent retreat, which is humorous because a lot of people have said to me, why on earth would you want to go on a silent retreat. Especially since I get so much fuel and energy from others. I really really value deep connection with others. It's connection is very important to me. So why why would I ever or anyone for that matter, choose to attend a silent retreat? Well, today's episode is about why I chose to go into silence for five days, what made me want to leave and why I ended up staying. To begin, I feel that it was something I needed to do. As a transformational life coach, a meditation guide and course creator, it was time to walk the talk and filled disclosure, it was not easy, just saying. Although because I felt it was something I needed to do. I had never participated in a silent retreat before. Among so many other things. Meditation has really transformed my life. It has enabled me to really show up with more presence and with more consciousness and peace. There are so many benefits to meditating. And if you listen to my previous episode, the bonus episode, which is titled I calm my body and mind, you may have experienced it yourself. As an aside, thank you to the several listeners who shared it was a beautiful and peaceful practice. I really do value your input. In any case, hence my decision to expand and grow by signing up for a five day silent retreat. And I chose a five day silent retreat because there was an option for vis pasa, which is a 10 day silent retreat, and 10 days, it just felt like it was going to be too long, too long of silence and turning inward, too daunting. I believed I wanted the experience, and 10 days was just too overwhelming. So I chose a five day silent retreat. And it helps that I went with my sister. But funny enough, I'm very proud to share that we follow the rules. And we did not talk Imagine that. So Elaine and I have traveled a lot through our lives. And back in the day when our children were really young, we would take them camping at a place called Lighthouse landing. And we would grow up our lawn chairs and head to the beach. And while the kids played in the sand and played at the edge of the water, we said we would devote our time to enjoying a good book. And we would say to each other, okay, we're not going to talk we're just going to read, we're going to read our books and sit in the sun and enjoy the day. While Sure enough 10 minutes into our reading time we would end up closing a books and ended up talking and talking with reading a distant afterthought. So it's really humorous that we undertook to share retreat experience for five days with the expectation that we would not be able to communicate or talk. But sure enough, we followed the rules and we did not talk and probably for me that was a really big accomplishment one of the biggest of the five days. I feel as though I really could control and respect the rules in that area. That being said, I thought I would share with you too. De why you might consider going on a silent retreat. And if it's something that you're not interested to because, of course, you know, everything is is optional for you in your life, maybe what the value is, maybe why do other people go on silent retreats, something to think about. But being in silence in a community together, sharing the goal of remaining in presence, turning inward is something about planting a seed. If you I was talking to my sister, Patricia, and you know, so many people are not interested in a five day silent retreat, or 10 Day or any, any length of time. But can you choose maybe an hour to say I am not going to talk communicate in any shape or form, I'm going to see how I do for the hour. It is very enlightening. But to dive deeper, I'd like to explain a little further about what a silent retreat actually means. And some of the rules and guidelines around it. There is a quote from Viktor Frankl, everything can be taken from a man. But one thing, the loss of the human freedom to choose one's attitude, in any given set of circumstances, to choose one own way. And once again, that's from Viktor Frankl. I feel that this quote really is indicative of how you want to approach life, especially if you're going into a situation where you have to consciously make decisions and follow rules that are not part of your daily routine or mindset, part of your expectations of living. I asked myself, do I want to go into silence for five days? Why do I want to go into silence five, like seriously five days? Well, basically, I went in for the challenge, and to see the journey. And this is what this podcast is all about. The journey of silence. The first main rule of a silent retreat is to maintain silence, which of course makes sense, right? The primary rule of a silent retreat is to really dry inward. So participants are asked to refrain from speaking to others. And of course, as this makes sense, it means that not only are your fellow participants around you in silence, but even you are to remain in that area of silence with the faculty because we were in a big camp, not easy. However, this is the main the main role. And you might ask why? Because the whole purpose is to really dive in to find inner stillness, to focus your attention inward to see what comes up. This, of course, for me was the hardest rule to follow. Because silence doesn't mean just not talking to other people, but also refraining from nonverbal communication, like symbolic gestures, we were asked to keep our gaze down and not meet other people's gaze to avoid being in awkward situations of having to ignore another person's friendly greeting. This was especially relevant as we were in a large and very beautiful space located on loon Lake and maintained by the University of British Columbia. It was really a beautiful and serene place with majestic trees, and the lake was so still and and it had this depth to it, this darkness steeped in beauty and silence all around. There were other retreats going on, and there were other people. So I found this really challenging because I like to meet people. There was another retreat going on where the woman were laughing and gathering together and I kept feeling this longing to be with them to feel that connection. But no, I had chosen the Silent Retreat.

Linda Orsini: 00:09:16

Next, in a silent retreat, you're not going to be surprised by this, but it only makes sense that electronic devices would be discouraged. In fact, they asked you to truly disconnect from your phone, from your computer, from your tablet, from your gadgets, and from recordings, anything that involved electronics, and of course, its purpose is to eliminate distractions. Wow. That really shows up when you cannot go on your devices. And you have this habitual inclination to always be connected. And these actually distract us from our life, we can get very immersed. And with the next notification on our phone, or the next text, oh my goodness, I have an Apple Watch. And even in silence, I feel a vibration on my watch. I find that I am so stimulated by the outside world by electronics, and outside influences. And so this retreat was really asking myself and the others to detach, to disengage. Not easy, in fact, crazy hard. It really showed me how I am drawn to my technology. I know that when I first wake up in the morning, my habit is to lie and stillness and do a short meditation on my own. And then I get up, and I check, I check my emails, I check my Texas I check what's going on in the in the world? Well, this was not the case here on the Silent Retreat. It was so challenging. In fact, it really drove me crazy. Because I kept on thinking, what what if this happens, who what's going on here, I wanted to reach out. And, of course, I turned off notifications. But it was just such a driving force to such a habit to look at my phone, I did carry my phone around, because when I my phone is my camera, and I captured Oh, I catch this great video of a slug moving. And if you haven't seen British Columbia slugs, they are large and very, I'm gonna say juicy because they have a lot of body to them. In any case, I wanted to capture the beauty around me. And also when I was going on for walks by myself, I was a little afraid of bears, there was a bear noticed in the area, there was a sign at one point. And you never know like going for a hike. So I took my phone. But that was my phone to take in case of emergency or for the camera, but not for connection. At a true bespaar Sinha, they are extremely strict. And at this retreat, it was based more on the honor system, which I love. And I embraced. We were asked to use our own discretion. It was our experience, but it was strongly strongly asked of us not to write in a journal. Because writing is a way to externalize and process our experiences in motion. And when we refrain from writing, it actually forces us to allow our inner experiences to unfold without the need for external expression or validation. And I chose to honor what I needed. And I needed to write. So I wrote full disclosure, I wrote not every day. But often, I wrote about my feelings about My revelations about how the times I hated being silent, how I wish I could take a book and read by the lake, and how I wanted to talk to the other members of a school group. And ladies from that other retreat I was mentioning, I wanted to record my experience and even prepare for this podcast. Now, as I said, I did not write every day. But I did write, I just want to be very transparent in this area. This was a big challenge for me. As you know, a call for love podcast comes out every Tuesday. And it's extremely important to me to show up and shine every week. And yes, I can plan ahead. But I wanted to have the really deep recollection of the experiences I was going through. And I tend to forget some key components. And I chose to record through the written word, what I was experiencing. Next on a silent retreat, each participant is expected to respect other people's personal space to keep the space neat and tidy and to be respectful of other people's needs to be quiet and allow others to be in their own bubble. Of course, it's a sign of mutual respect. And I had absolutely no problem with that. That was an easy, easy one to maintain. Now this is a doozy. There was a retreat schedule, very detailed, with many, many, many sitting meditations so hard. I really really struggled with the schedule, not because it was too much But I host retreats. And I always say on the schedule, do what you need to do on your body, this is your retreat. Well, in a silent retreat, it's not really optional, you are asked to follow a very strict schedule. I do not like following strict schedules as a school teacher for over 30 years, I was always responding to the school bell. And I have a personal rebellious attitude towards strict timelines. And to show up consistently, when I didn't want to when I wanted to be walking, to practice and sit in stillness was excruciating. And this is where I wanted to leave. I did not always want to be silent. I did not always want to follow the schedule. And I wanted to connect with others. I was lying down in one meditation at one point, and above the doorway was the emergency sign that said, exit. I kept on fantasizing well, maybe that's an indication to me that I should just exit so that I should just go. And then I thought, well, I can't go. I just need my sisters here. How would I get back? What would I say to people, I, as a meditation teacher and guide, had to leave a silent retreat. My ego made me stay at that point, when I had nothing else to grab on to, to sustained me in the practice. My ego actually benefited me here and kept me present. And of course, given time, I was able to move through that right, I had the feeling, I noticed the thoughts and emotions, I sat with it, it dissipated. And I could come out of it. The whole purpose of meditation, and how meditation impacts your life presently, it allows you to move through uncomfort knowing that you will get to the other side. Building interdiscipline is not easy. But it is often required of us. During COVID, we really learnt this, we had no choice but to follow very strict rules. Now just like again, Viktor Frankl, you have the dominion over your own thoughts, feelings and emotions, so you can choose how you're going to respond. But being disciplined, and training the mind, and training ourselves to do what we don't always want to do, I believe builds character. My mother always said, do three things a day that you don't want to do. And of course, she meant in serving others, moving outside of yourself, if you're always living for what you want, and what you need. That's not a call for love. A call for love means living from the deep source of love within you, and spreading that outward. And that often means showing up and doing things that you don't want to do, but benefit others. Now, these rules, all these rules that I've shared with you today, are really aimed to create an environment conducive to self reflection to deepening your experience, even your meditation practice if you have one. And for really journeying through your transformation, they really helped me to detach from all the noise of the outside world, all the distractions to really find a sense of letting go. To come off that hamster wheel of doing doing doing instead of a human doing a human being.

Linda Orsini: 00:19:03

After about the third day, I really slowly began to melt into this new way of life. I grew to appreciate all the opportunities to find stillness, knowing that I was going to be going out back into the world into a busy lifestyle, which I love and I thrive on. I feel that the time that I was given to rebalance to regroup and reset was a gift and only when I could look at it as a gift and albeit temporary. I was able to soften into the experience and let go of resentment and anger for doing what I did not want to do. I had this idea that a silent retreat would be filled with moments of joy. But when you cannot look at other people, you cannot talk to other people. You can not explore too far out of the area and do activities that really bring you a deep sense of connection. I felt it was a little depressing at times. But then what does that say about me, it says that why I cannot find joy within myself, I can be the root of joy, not depending on others to fill my cup. And that is a big, big revelation that I knew. But I actually got to experience I could be with myself and find joy, how many of us can do that we are now trained in the society in this world, to get stimulated from outside. And the retreat required that I get stimulated from inside to find peace and inner stillness. And to just notice from the inside. Now mindfulness asks us to do it without judgment. So noticing what comes up, if it's positive, negative, or neutral in the feeling tones, and then just be with it, just allow the space to be with what arises. Mindfulness, once again asks us not to judge. But with my training in other areas of wellness, I decided that I was going to move through it. So I went through processes that really expanded beyond mindfulness, which I teach, and I guide others, being present to your emotions and how to move through them. As opposed to just noticing and just noticing and just noticing, which is mindfulness. Being forced to stay with our thoughts, feelings, emotions, to see them to feel them to move through them is not easy. But we want to live intentionally in our life. A call for love means noticing when we're not in a place of love, and then seeing if it's if we're able to hold space, embrace self compassion, and shift from fear, anger, anxiety, to a place of love to a state of love, embodying and being love. silence can be one of the keys to discovering your inner compass, it can help you lead towards living authentically, being mindful and noticing what's going on within a place to hold space for all your fears and your tears. In silence, were asked to find the courage to confront our shadows, to embrace our imperfections, and to really offer ourselves the healing balm of self love. Not easy, but very, very necessary and very pivotal in the evolution of your human experience, it was a true blessing, to find stillness to find quiet, to find less in order to find more. And so in the end, I do say, I am very grateful for this experience. It was not easy. It takes a lot of courage to really be present to everything that's going on within you without seeking outside support. But it was a worthwhile journey to self discovery. Thank you for listening today. Thank you for hearing about my journey. Even if you never intend to go on a silent retreat. Know that you have more in you than you ever thought possible. You can disconnect from all the noise and get back to solace to that inner strength when you choose to really be present to all your thoughts, feelings and emotion. Always with loving kindness. Wishing you deep peace and joy from my heart to yours. Namaste