3 Keys to Manifest Love After Heartbreak with Alicja Torun l S1E019

Linda Orsini: 00:00:08

Hello and welcome to a call for love. I believe the most powerful gift you can offer yourself is to give and receive love more freely. I'm your host Linda Orsini meditation guidance spiritual coach. Everyone has the desire to be seen, heard, respected and loved. The journey to becoming more connected to your greater purpose lies within the ability to live from the deep source of love within you. Let's begin.

Linda Orsini: 00:00:39

Welcome to a call for love Alicja. And for listeners to call for love. This is my dear friend, I met her in January and we have fast track to lifelong friends. I feel like we are so aligned because not only are we both retired school teachers, but she is into a kundalini yoga. She's a mother of three. And she has a long history of love, Lost and Found just like myself. So Alicja, welcome to a call for love. I'm so happy you're here. And I can't wait for you to share your message with us today about the three keys to manifest love after heartbreak. Wow, this is a fantastic topic.

Alicja Toran: 00:01:27

Thank you, Linda for having me here. I said honor. And it's a pleasure to be here and share those beautiful tips for the audience that love is possible. After heartbreak,

Linda Orsini: 00:01:40

I know that I am divorced. And I tell you when I was going to the depths, I thought I would have to pick my heart up with a spatula. That's what I always said. But I'm very happy and in very much in love. And I know you have your story as well. So how can you share with us that there is hope? There's hope after breakup?

Alicja Toran: 00:02:05

Yeah, first of all, I would like to, you know, share that I went through the breakup, and I'm very sensitive person. And that's shattered me into pieces. So when you're talking about your heart, you have to pick up with spatula, I didn't know where my heart was. I just lost it. And it's I felt that I have to find through this sort of spiritual work to find just myself, because my heart was given away so deeply to my family to my ex husband and my kids. And divorce just broke it, everything ripped everything. So it was very painful experience. But through the guidance of my higher self, or kind of I was listening the voice of learn the lesson, learn the lesson. I didn't know what the lesson was. But my biggest question was, what is love? I thought I loved really deeply was not working. Yeah, that was journey into interesting journey to discover what love is, and what's happened. I have to find the deepest compassion and kindness to myself. Because I wouldn't be able to function and connect with myself. What I would say, I live now in a very loving relationship. I feel fully myself, I enjoy my life I enjoy to be with my loving partner who is my best friend, best lover, traveler and my companion. And but it's like I mentioned, it wasn't always like that. So I know where I was. And by the way, I'm married when I was my teen, what am I supposed to know about life when I was 19. I didn't even know myself so deeply devoted and committed to family. But I didn't know who I was. I love this, I lost the sense. And I become very determined mother and wife. And you know, and on the way it cost me a huge price. I pay for that. And I believe all of you. They might have a very similar story, though, especially who are looking for that beautiful losting love that you feel joyful and happy and passionate and you feel adored and adored another person. Yeah,

Linda Orsini: 00:04:43

I know that I fully agree with you. What do we know we're always all on a journey of self discovery. And I am very grateful because I actually have a very good relationship with my former husband. But it was not easy at and it is a journey. And I would like you to share with us your keys on how to manifest great love.

Alicja Toran: 00:05:08

Yes, they are specific. And before even introduced those three keys, I would say that we have a myth that the life's supposed to be to the rest of your life, that fairy tale that it's constantly pushed in movies on books. And actually, it's not possible, especially in this time, when we are going through the transformation, the world is going through transformation, the expectations that our grandparents and great grandparents or parents they have, we have a different, we want to have different relationship. So we are in a process of evolution, we're gonna deal not only with one partner, and because we growing and shifting and changing, I'm a different person that I was in my previous relationship. And and sometimes that partners are not grown with us, we need to let them go or the Learn your learn new way living. So that's cause as well, a heartbreak.

Linda Orsini: 00:06:10

And you know what a bit the lifespan of humans has increased. So we're living close to 100. Now, it's really remarkable if we can have fun relationship seriously.

Alicja Toran: 00:06:24

And we have a different ability to connect, we don't need to have someone who supports or financial support us, or because we were pretty, I was pretty young, and I had kids grown up when they was in 40s. I felt like a new person. So that's the new ability to show up. But we don't want to show up the same way because we know that something didn't work. And that's number one. Key number one is connecting, connecting with your own power. Yeah, it's easy to say but to recognize what you know how to connect with our own power. It's to recognize when we lost our power, and I use our past relationships as a learning tools to know where I was without shaming or blaming or feeling guilty, but with a loving, open mind, to recognize where do they lost power in my relationship. And we did. Because, too, as well to know that create a shift in our consciousness. There is another spot that is important concept is to know that we take your responsibility, that is two people, it's not only one person with letting go the victim story. And we know that there we had a certain part of that dynamic. And if would be a 3%. You know, I'm not diminished, any others false, they probably deal with tough situations. So I acknowledge the pain. But we can always find even 3% What you're taking responsibility. Yeah. And that's a doorway to your freedom, actually, that's when I stop blaming and be stuck. And constantly knowing what my ex partner thought did, and not knowing what I contributed to, we contribute to that dynamic. And so to recognize, when I lost my power, or someone lost power, it's that's the key number one. So for example, how often we ignore our feelings and needs, how we sacrifice our needs, and our wants and desires for that fulfillment of that relationship, how we lost our power by losing ourselves in that relationship, how we devote our lives to somebody. And then of course, that cause a huge resentment and, and anger because we didn't receive it. So that it's a one of the very important concept that we are losing our power. For example, if we not acknowledge with not acknowledge our feelings, with ourselves, we are not able to also share with others and when we not share our feelings and needs with somebody with our partner, we creating narcissistic patterns in others. Because we are just focusing on giving and not acknowledging our what is important in our life. Maybe it could be you know, we afraid to say it. Maybe we are you know, when we not aware of it as well. That's what we creating this? How many times we knew so much about our partners, and we totally neglected ourselves. And then we felt burned out in a relationship. So putting someone before our own leads, cause that pain as well. Not speaking for yourself as well. And sometimes we ignore those red flags or something, we know that it's not working. And we feel in our guts, we feel in our psyche, when our intuition speaks, but we putting this on the site, and just putting and putting, yes.

Linda Orsini: 00:10:31

So what you're saying is that a relationship may break up, one of the things is, it's because we lose our power. And in order to step into a new relationship, we have to reclaim our power. So it's something that we've lost. And now we're stepping into,

Alicja Toran: 00:10:52

yes, because it's good to see what we lost, what didn't work, you know, it's learning from our mistakes are learning from our, how we show up in a relationship, past relationships and shows the dynamic, give us a new tools. So the opposite is going to be speaking for yourself, speaking to truth, be authentic. Respect your feelings, and respect your needs, and respect your own desires, and openly talk and share with someone. So if someone is not really acknowledging our feelings and needs, maybe that's not the right partner. Those kinds of, you know, when we step in that fine Foundation, knowing what didn't work how I show up before, here it is, I claim my power. You know, I don't need to give too much, maybe we're pleasing others. Why we give it

Linda Orsini: 00:11:50

too much. And maybe can't always blame your partner because I know when I was younger, I didn't I didn't speak my voice. So how can somebody honor you if you're not really sharing your needs and your your boundaries. So we actually sometimes set ourselves up in that predicament if we don't know better, so we, I believe that the deeper that I began to know, love and respect myself, that that I could allow other people to share that with me.

Alicja Toran: 00:12:25

Definitely, because we are teachers, we are teaching others how they gonna treat

Linda Orsini: 00:12:32

us. Exactly. I love that that is that is golden. We teach others how to love and respect ourselves only when we have it in ourselves to share because all love comes from stuff.

Alicja Toran: 00:12:47

Self love, for sure. So those are very important points to notice. Like I was over giving Am I was not ignoring red flags, or kind of like diminished reflux knowing but I you know, high diminished, I knew it and are looking for someone to validate your experience waiting, someone's gonna validate. So those that opposites they're gonna teach. That's what is important. First of all, acknowledge, ignore, acknowledge your feelings and needs. And that is a very important part because you are stepping into that mature yourself why self taking care of your, your wounded part of ourselves that we have it and, and speaking about your, your feelings and needs are important because someone we want someone who validate who will listen. You want to have a partner in your life who you feel comfortable to be vulnerable. You don't need to be stepping and pretending to be superwoman, super D, you know, or Superman, or be somebody very special and a twist yourself as a presser or be a chameleon, which is very often happening, that we sacrifice so much of ourselves in the relationship that we on the end, we don't know who we were, and very often, people who went through the breakups, that's what one of the obstacles that they afraid to get a commitment in relationship, because they don't want to lose themselves.

Linda Orsini: 00:14:27

I agree. And so I'm going I'm an advocate for meditation as I know you are to and what a great way to really dive into your own center. And to know and learn about yourself is through meditation.

Alicja Toran: 00:14:43

Yes, that's another way to gain your power to pause to don't trust all of it that your mind speaks, or your emotions, emotions, like ego, emotions, and usually connect with the past when we started grounding ourselves in our body, start connecting with that part of ourselves that it's wiser. That is wiser beyond I call this higher self that has the voice, but we ignore that voice for a long time.

Linda Orsini: 00:15:17

Yeah, and just for the listeners, so they know Episode 16, I talk about, discover who you really are. And then in Episode 17, I have a meditation on discovering who you are, which would be a really good, great foundation to claim your power, which is your step number one. So what about step two? What do you know that you should do next, in order to guide your clients to find the love that they're looking for?

Alicja Toran: 00:15:48

Yeah, so first, recognize that you're taking some responsibility, or you show up not in that Alicia paths, relationships, great teachers. And then you kind of have to complete the past, you have to clear that past. Because to create something new demand, demand to look at worst are some residue that stays in our are like what is there may be some stuff that is hold in our hearts, and, or in our psyche, that it's still hold some some parts of it and doesn't want to let go, maybe we still ain't work with our ex, ex partner, maybe still hold the graduates. And it's to create advocates for that happy, healthy, joyful love that it's based on. Equality, that equal equal partnership is demand a whole person. So that comes with that climbing your power, cleansing the past, the more we create a room in our space. And notice, where we are showing up with still with anger, resentment, maybe we showing that those patterns still in different relationships, maybe with our parents, do we hold something with our siblings, maybe with co workers, we still attract those, this is a great to see where we are showing those disappointments or painful patterns that we created in our relationship in our life. So we're first to kind of reevaluate the past through the process working with me, we're going deeper into our core beliefs that those core beliefs were created, he created a certain dynamic, that that created those relationships. And those core beliefs are created from zero to eight, and we recreate and sometimes there is a deeper trauma, and that needs to be healed. Sometimes a might be reevaluate and what it's how it makes you feel that you are creating this life. And by recognize, and it's a somatic experience. This is not through that, what are we diving deep in our body and knowing that there is so much wisdom, but it also there's so much darkness. So it's like, we've talked about gurus, it's the teachers from the darkness to the light, looking inside, what is holding us back to create the belief maybe I am alone, I am not wanted, I'm not good enough. I'm not valuable enough. When we recognize that, and how there's another big aha to recognize how I'm showing up in life by creating protected patterns. And that's create this alt and successful relationships. Maybe there are some things that we still have also, obligations. Maybe there's still some bows inside your psyche. You know, some of you might get married in church, I speaking from my own experience, that I still have an unfulfilled wish of that vote that I did in front of the front of God, that I will be committed to that relationship even it was not working. Sometimes you have to do that deeper work what is still holding us up in our subconscious that we are not completed so complete our past learning. You know how we showed up there was a beautiful ceremony that we create of letting go of through that process. Opening what is the truth? Because our wiser self, you is always tells the truth, we created a lot of lives, our lives, it's actually based on not truth. Because we are created by love, we created by, there's so much love, and so much wisdom that we have. But that wounded part of ourselves needs to be nurtured by by our kind of re parenting ourselves, not our parents, we are re parenting ourselves. And we might take care about that part of ourselves to the rest of our life, that it's a healing, transform transformation is to awaken and know what is the truth that you fully worth to be loved. And you are, you are fully loved by life, you are fully loved by others. And you are fully stern loving yourself. And that it's a beautiful journey, because you start, you start creating your your life that you want.

Linda Orsini: 00:21:03

Absolutely all I really believe all love Begins With Self Love. And to really find that self love. Not only do you have to have the courage to go inward, and take a look at all your actions, and your life patterns, I really agree here with you. And I feel like what you see in a relationship can be all relationships, as you said, not just an intimate relationship. It could be friendship, platonic friendship, relationship, a work relationship, and there are patterns and when you kind of heal when first when you notice, and then you heal those patterns that helps you claim your power, right?

Alicja Toran: 00:21:48

Yes, yes. And then which is a bigger stretch is key number three, you know, with certain patterns are creating the same thing over and over. Yeah. So to create something bigger, we have to be stretched, they stretched our mind, stretch our heart, and visualize what kind of relation we want in the future, how we are in that relationship, that we feel fully loved, that we feel acceptance that we feel. And it's very sensible, that you can even notice how you how you feel how you sense the taste, when you are drinking wine, or eating dessert or kissing with someone and you feel fully safe and secure, that you are celebrating with life with with that partner. And it's such an amazing feeling. But we need to stretch. Sometimes, when I talk with clients, the vision is very narrowed, sometimes ask for, you know, peaceful and very respectful because someone did not have respect. But I would love to go to get a bigger vision that it's possible to be vulnerable. You don't have to be fully authentic yourself and knowing that you're not going to be rejected, that you're going to be embraced. And it also you're doing the same with your partner, you're honoring this partner, you are it's a union of equal people that enjoy a simplicity of life with such a joy. How does makes you feel and I when I'm talking about it, I see a smile.

Linda Orsini: 00:23:30

You know, I so agree that visualization is so powerful. I know. So I don't know if it's still the case, though, but everyone had these vision boards, you know, vision boards, imagine your best life, you know, you'd have pictures of you in a loving relationship plastered all over it. And I always feel that it's very, very powerful. But you know, I also recognize that the universe doesn't recognize what we say. It recognizes what we're feeling, and it reads our vibration. So I believe you know, as a coach well and a call for love that when we're vibrating that love, and we extend it to our friends and family, then that could spill over into a romantic relationship because we are having that vibration, which makes visualization a little easier.

Alicja Toran: 00:24:24

Yes, and I even added more not only visualization but feeling this. Yeah, you know, I felt my partner I really learned about Parker and remember the crispy white shirt that I was holding on. I didn't remember the face, but I visualize that feeling that he is holding me so nicely that kissing me and I feel so safe. Even right now I can see that the trees were around green leaves like flowing and the birds were chirping And I felt that safe in those arms and that crispy white shirt was like, like, extra, that was my thing. And that's brings that feeling of union, that's my call that called union and partnership. Now, we calling this into this present moment, because not only what it is, is present moment, but bring that and stretch out yourself with that vision, Board Vision, bring into that present moment. And also, we can create that power intention to create that, and we need to be committed, that's another huge to committed to that vision. Because there's some stuff that we need to let go to create, we cannot create the same relationship from the same consciousness.

Linda Orsini: 00:25:51

That's really powerful. I really want other listeners to hear that. You please say that, again, you cannot create the same relationship or a better relationship with the same consciousness, correct?

Alicja Toran: 00:26:06

Yes, you we have to be different, we have to show up differently. And to see what do we need to let go and what we need to embrace. So we need to learn a new capacity, and new skills, like skills, like set the proper boundaries, because we win. So when we look at this first step, knowing when we lost our power, this is gonna guide us that I need to set this both by boundaries, and honoring myself. So when you're going to show up even on a date, you know, that you are worthy of love. And it's easier to even internally to feel, Oh, I'm ready, I'm not going to just say yes, in an easier and fast way to because someone just say that I've dutiful because you know that you're beautiful, but you are of love in a different way. You're not going to rush relationship, you're not going to you will know from that space of power, you will know what you want. So you're not gonna just show up because because you're gonna know and you committed to yourself, that you are looking for what you are committed to having respect with respect, actually respect. It's a key to a love, respect,

Linda Orsini: 00:27:26

and respecting others. Yes, yes,

Alicja Toran: 00:27:29

self respect, and the respect others. That's the key to sustain a loving relationship, as well. Trust so when you're showing up from that space, you know that you're going to build a trust with yourself, that you're not going to put yourself in a safe, unsafe situation and you attract someone who's not going to be worthy of your attention. That's what I called magnetizing your partner because you are shifting your consciousness. But to create a loving life, you need to step into consciousness of love. And showing up not until the summit someone's gonna show up, you're gonna show up now you're gonna start shifting and changing how you are show up with your friends with your family, maybe still have some resent someone has resentment towards their parents, and you're still holding kind of like certain guilt, obligation. Love, it's about speaking the truth with love and kindness. But powerfully. So love is also you know, I'm a love coach, but also truth. We need to be clear, what do we want and to change the way we are showing up? And then suddenly, we either vibrational love making different choices, doing what we dream about it, maybe you know, you were dreaming that someone's gonna give you a flowers. Maybe you can buy flowers. That was my thing. I was buying flowers to myself not waiting until someone's gonna show up and buy me flowers.

Linda Orsini: 00:29:08

For your wedding, I heard once that you should date yourself.

Alicja Toran: 00:29:12

Yes, I love because you

Linda Orsini: 00:29:15

know what? You can date yourself and love yourself. That's gonna raise your vibration. You have to wait for anyone else to love you. You can you can you can start manifesting that in your own heart right away.

Alicja Toran: 00:29:28

Yes, and even go on a date by yourself. I practice our dates. So I went to a museum and a focus on art I'd explored or I went places that I never thought that I would go. So that's what it's changing your consciousness is also stretching yourself, stretching out yourself to the place that you would never thought that you will do or try something new. Uncomfortable. You have to be uncomfortable to doing something because you're going to attract new relationship as well. Maybe you need to connect with Your body and heal some parts like maybe, you know, uncomfortable, like, expect that, you know, maybe there's something needs to healing like your sexual energy, maybe there was some wounding there, maybe go to a places to, you know, learning how to communicate clearly how to speak, maybe learn how to speak, speak on a stage and doing something that were uncomfortable. So those are great things. I remember I learned, I always dreaming to swim with somebody, but I was not a swimmer. And I sign up for the swim. If I would wait for someone, I would just never. So I sign up for the classes as an adult to swim. And then I use those skills when I traveled with my beloved so that it's amazing journey to yourself. And also knowing, letting go of the expectation when she will show up. You know, or she is just so are they it's just so important to let go of the expectation. Because that's brings the trust to life. And trust love. When you put that in powerful intention, you will eventually you will with that consciousness with showing up with love and joy and happiness. You are you attract people magnetize people. And when you love you know you that is a bigger attraction, you fall in love and you fool yourself. You it's that's the biggest magnet to attract right people, right people? Yes, yes,

Linda Orsini: 00:31:50

it's a call for love. And it's a call to light. It's a call to let go of fear. You know, fear, it can really squash your vibration, it can really paralyze you and inhibit you from moving forward. So really love blossoms and through surrender to love, we can let go of fear. So I really thank you for this conversation. I really love that you pinpointed the three keys. And I know that you have studied calling the one

Alicja Toran: 00:32:28

calling in the one with Catherine Woodward, Thomas, my mentor, and beloved a guide that helped me to get deep dive, not on not on the surface they dive and to create that last loving love that I really enjoy it.

Linda Orsini: 00:32:46

I will share all your links in the show notes. And I want to thank you for being on a call to love your message of finding love is a really beautiful message and people need to hear that hope they need to believe that there is love out there for them. And that love always resides in us first. So I thank you for being on our podcast to call for love.

Alicja Toran: 00:33:14

Thank you, Linda for having me with in your platform, and share this beautiful love that we share as our friends and extending that to others and knowing that everything is possible love

Linda Orsini: 00:33:28

is true. It's true. Thank you.

Alicja Toran: 00:33:32

Thank you.