The Liberation of Not Making Assumptions: The Four Agreements Book Club (Part Three) l S2E096

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Welcome friends. Welcome to A Call for Love. Today we're exploring how making assumptions creates suffering in our lives.

Have you ever done that? You don’t hear from someone and suddenly your mind starts writing stories? That’s exactly what we’re diving into today.

In The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, the first agreement is to be impeccable with your word—I talk about that in Episode 94.

The second is don’t take anything personally—that’s Episode 95.

And today, we arrive at the third: don’t make assumptions.

Personally, I feel like when we practice the first two agreements, we make real progress in healing. But the moment we start making assumptions, we slide backwards—suddenly we’re taking things personally again, and not being impeccable with our word.

That’s what I want to talk to you about today.

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I’ve noticed, in myself and with my clients, we tend to make the most assumptions when we feel vulnerable.

Let me share a story.

When I received my yoga teaching certificate almost 12 years ago, I was very insecure as a new teacher. I’d go to the same studio regularly, and there was someone I always saw in class.

One day, the regular teacher asked me to sub her class—and I said yes. When I arrived to teach, that friend wasn’t there. And instantly, the stories began:

“He didn’t come because I was teaching.”

“I’m not good enough.”

“He always comes for her, but not for me.”

I was so caught up in those assumptions because I felt vulnerable.

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That night, I couldn’t let it go. I thought about messaging him, then talked myself out of it. Back and forth, all night. I didn’t sleep well.

In the morning, I decided to ask. Gently. I messaged: “Oh, I didn’t see you last night. I missed you.”

He replied, “Yeah, I couldn’t go.”

That wasn’t enough for my mind.

So I nudged: “Yes, things come up.”

He replied with a list—his car broke down, the kids needed help.

He hadn’t even known I was teaching.

And just like that, my whole mental story collapsed. I had lost peace over something that wasn’t true. That was my first real lesson in not making assumptions.

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We do this all the time. We’ve been conditioned out of our natural curiosity.

As kids, we asked “why” endlessly—until we were told to stop. We started believing that asking questions was annoying or invasive. But this agreement invites that curiosity back in.

When we ask questions instead of assuming, we open the door to clarity and truth.

But here’s the hard part:

We have to be willing to hear the truth.

And that’s vulnerable.

And sometimes scary.

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As human beings, we crave safety. We often avoid asking questions because we’re afraid of the answers.

But if we want to be in loving, conscious relationships—with others and ourselves—we have to find the courage to ask.

And just as importantly, we need to let others speak their truth, even if it’s not what we wanted to hear.

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When we find our voice and ask for clarification, miracles happen. We create deeper connection, clearer communication, and more honest relationships.

But if we don’t ask, our assumptions start to spiral.

We begin gossiping—subtly or overtly—to validate our false story.

That’s exactly what I did after that yoga class.

I came home and told my husband,

“He didn’t want to come because I was teaching. I’m not good enough.”

I was in the shadow of gossip.

I wasn’t speaking with love.

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Ruiz calls that kind of talk emotional poison.

And he’s right.

We gossip because we’re defending our assumptions. We want others to agree with the illusion we’ve created.

But gossip and assumption feed the shadow. They keep us in pain.

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We also assume people can read our minds—especially in relationships.

I’ve done it.

I have a friend whose husband wasn’t showing up for her during a tough time.

When I asked if she had told him what she needed, she said,

“No. He should just know.”

But that’s not fair. That’s not love.

We can’t expect people to meet our needs if we haven’t clearly expressed them.

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That’s where nonviolent communication comes in.

It’s about expressing how we feel without blame.

Instead of “You let me down,” try:

“I felt really hurt when you weren’t there.”

That small shift opens the heart instead of closing it.

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Even in the smallest moments—like exchanging anniversary cards or setting expectations—we create more harmony by speaking clearly.

When we don’t make assumptions, we free ourselves. And we free others too.

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That’s what this agreement is about.

We take the awareness of our mind,

We turn it into action through honest words,

And we live with more peace, more love, and more grace.

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We talked about this recently in my group, Soul Skool.

It’s a sacred space for soul seekers where we explore how to live from our truth, ask courageous questions, and release the emotional poison of old patterns.

If you’d like to join us, there’s a free membership and the link is in the show notes.

We dive into teachings like this every week—how to communicate with clarity, heal emotional wounds, and evolve with compassion.

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So if you’re someone who often makes assumptions—about yourself or others—this is your invitation to pause, to get curious, and to ask.

Ask with love.

Listen with an open heart.

And let your truth lead the way.

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If this resonated with you, I’d love for you to go back to the previous episodes on the First and Second Agreements.

You can also find journaling prompts and light work reflections in Soul Skool.

Please share this episode with a friend. When we do this work together, we raise not just ourselves—but everyone around us.

And that raises the collective.

And that’s my greatest dream.

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Thank you for listening.

From my heart to yours—

Namaste.